poetry • art • marriage • momhood • faith

baby update

Today has probably been the most emotionally draining since Bean was born 10 days ago. We were looking forward to bringing him home from the hospital today. It was all dependant on if he gained weight last night. Well, the short of it is that (we think) he didn’t. That’s the gist. So I’ve been a stupidly weepy mess all day. I know he’s fine, I know he’ll be out soon, I know they’re taking good care of him there, etc. I just want to be home. With him. I am so tired. SO tired of the trips back and forth to and from the hospital. Tired of trying to feed him on OUR schedule rather than his. Tired of having to coordinate who will stay with Caleb while someone drives me to the hospital (since I’m not supposed to drive until 2 weeks have passed). Tired of missing putting Caleb to bed because I’m out at the hospital. Tired of crying over all this and being so freaking hormonally irrational.

I so need to write, but I don’t know where to start. my head just clouds with exhaustion.

It looks like he gained a lot (3 ounces) today, so hopefully we’ll get him home tomorrow. But I won’t get my hopes up over it again. I’m trying not to at least.

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torch bearing quietly

I will not act out, will not
yell or curse or slam doors,
will not make a scene -- you
do not deserve such a chance
to make an example out of me
to be proven right since you
are not. Instead, I'll stand
at this street corner, raise
my hand high and clench that
light which yet remains. It
will burn brightly, quietly,
fiercely before fading as I.

Then I'll be gone but found.

©JAC 2005

Poetry by Julie Ann Cook!

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Love Like Weeds
by Julie Ann Cook
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