poetry • art • marriage • momhood • faith

something for me to try not to stress about

This has been weighing on me more heavily than I’d like to admit: I did my 1-hour sugar test (to check for gestational diabetes) on Monday and got a call on Tuesday telling me I tested high and need to do the 3 hour test.

I’m nervous about it, because I really don’t want to have to deal with it, not because I’m so concerned that it would be a problem if I had it. But, really, I just don’t want to deal with it.

So tomorrow (Friday) morning, I get to do the 3-hour test. I am NOT looking forward to it. When I did the 1-hour test, they had me fast from midnight on, drink the nasty “juice”, wait an hour and then drew my blood. This time, it’s the same deal EXCEPT that they’ll draw blood 4 times: once before the juice, and once each hour thereafter until 3 hours have passed. All on an empty stomach. Sure, I’m past the morning sickness, but really, I don’t do blood draws well on an empty stomach. Hell, I don’t do blood draws well period. Mentally, I’m ok with it. I can handle the needles. I don’t watch. But I am such a lightweight that I’m afraid I’ll pass out. Then when it’s all said and done and they tell me “ok, sweetie, you can go eat breakfast or whatever now” I’ll be too out of it to feel up to driving myself home. ARGH. I DON’T want to deal with it.

I’m pretty confident that the first test was a false positive. It doesn’t run in my family, and I am measuring right on track in both size and weight, not big as is typical with GD. That aside, I didn’t have a super high score (147 with a 130/140 threshold depending on the practice). And aparently 15-23% of the 1-hr tests come back positive while only 3-5% of pregnant women actually develop gestational diabetes. That’s a hell of a lot of false positives.

I expect I’m one of them. But of course, there’s a chance I’m not. I’m already expecting to be hooked up to an antibiotic for GBS — even though I only tested positive for that at like 9 weeks and it’s likely gone by now. I STILL don’t get the logic on that one.

Anyhow. So cross your fingers that I test negative this time. And that I don’t pass out. And that I can drive myself home, because I really don’t want to spend the day at the OBGYN for lack of a means to get home.

PS – I just read “Fewer than 1 in 5 women with a positive GCT [1-hr sugar test] will meet criteria for GDM on a full OGTT [3-hr sugar test]” in a medical report:”Screening for Gestational Diabetes Mellitus”. I actually said that earlier, I guess, but not in those words. Makes me feel a little better.

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torch bearing quietly

I will not act out, will not
yell or curse or slam doors,
will not make a scene -- you
do not deserve such a chance
to make an example out of me
to be proven right since you
are not. Instead, I'll stand
at this street corner, raise
my hand high and clench that
light which yet remains. It
will burn brightly, quietly,
fiercely before fading as I.

Then I'll be gone but found.

©JAC 2005

Poetry by Julie Ann Cook!

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