Uncategorized

Conservatively, I speak

Some people are comfortable on the floor, be it a dance or a debate. Some like picking fights. Some simply aren’t afraid of being heard.

Then there are the rest of us. Those who, no matter how comfortable they might feel in their own skin, would rather die than have a spotlight on them. We’re the ones who would forget how to spell “the” at a spelling bee, the self-conscious stutterers, the stage-frightened, the wusses.

“Hi, I’m Julie, and I’m a chickenlittleshit.”

I fool some people, sometimes. Maybe even most people most of the time. For instance, I stutter sometimes. Not often, but enough to be self-conscious of it, enough that I hear it and know to take my time speaking to avoid it; I don’t think even my husband or mother has picked up on that. Also, I do pretty well at poetry readings. If I know and am comfortable with my material, I can “comfortably” speak in front of a crowd of thousands. I’ve done it. I was shaking, but my voice was steady.

However, I still avoid jumping into shark infested waters of public political or religious debate. Which is a shame. On some levels at least. No matter how adamantly I might oppose an opinion, I am more likely passively volunteer to be the attacked straw man than to be the vocal minority. Heck, I’m not even likely to be a member of the vocal majority.

So while I applaud and encourage the freedom of expression, I self-censor. I don’t bring up the fact that I don’t think Obama is a god, or that even though a close family member once admitted to thinking Hillary might be the Antichrist and another very Republican family member voted for Obama to thwart Hillary, I would rather have had Hillary as the democratic nominee than Obama. Nor do I mention that, given the options, I’ll vote for McCain when the time comes.

But then I think about how much of elections is about name recognition and general publicity. And I wonder what Jane Undecided might think as she surfs through cyberspace. The “Yes McCain Can” posts are a little less visible than those on the other guy. Mostly because new things, new people, changes are exciting. So people will talk and write about the new thing more, with more passion. What happens to the old guy? What about those who just might vote for him?

I’m asking these questions of myself as much as they’re rhetorical. A lot of this has to do with reconciling my own largely conservative — though not necessarily “Republican”– beliefs with the ballot I’ll cast in November. And with each ballot thereafter. I do this in hopes that maybe once I know better what I believe and how those beliefs translate into political ideology, maybe then I’ll be ready to voice them more freely, without fear of the inevitable cyber-smackdown.

*****

In other news, I wrote a poem today as promised; “Happen” (which may be retitled) can be read by logging into shakespearesmonkeys.com.

Uncategorized

I refuse to choose.

As most of my friends will tell you, I am often indecisive. I prefer not to rock the boat and am usually pretty relaxed and comfortable with just going with the flow. I mean, really, what difference does it make in the grand scheme of things if we have Mexican or Italian for dinner. Really.

I have been known to procrastinate through indecision. I have probably made far more decisions through inaction than action. I’m not proud of that, but that’s a fault of mine that I’ll admit to as well.

But being indecisive is far different than refusing to choose.

Lately, particularly with the election year at hand, this has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind. I had a short conversation with my sister about it recently, and I mentioned it in comments on some other blogs. My issue is this: Why is it a conflict of interests to be in favor of “less government” and humane treatment of animals? Why is it against someone else’s first amendment rights if I express mine by wearing a crucifix on a chain to a public school? Why should I have to choose between being “green” or pro-life?

As I’ve gone into a little bit before, I am Catholic and try to live my life with a Christian worldview. So, that’s where I am coming from, though I have no doubt that this will apply to other worldviews as well.

I try to live by the adage that one should leave things as good as or better than he or she found them. (Granted, the state of my housekeeping rarely reflects that, but I’m working on it.) One way that I’ve been acting on that is by, frankly, doing some of my coworkers’ recycling. It’s kinda gross, but if I see someone’s tossed a pop can in the trash (and it’s still exposed — I’m not dumpster diving yet), I’ll pick it out & toss it in the recycling bin. When we had catering in last week, rather than throwing out all of the “disposable” containers & platters, I brought them home to rinse & freecycle. I’m starting a compost pile at the treeline of our property. And I am really trying to cut down my extended shower time.

… does that make me a tree-hugging hippie? Not really.

In addition to being a traditional employee, I am also a business owner. As such I believe capitalism, in general, is a good thing. Likewise, I disagree that having the government put its fingers in every orifice of our lives is a good thing. For example, I do not thing it’s a good idea to socialize health care. I think that idea about a centralized medical database is something UGLY waiting to happen. (Have you ever been to the DMV? What makes anyone think that any other government run facility will run more smoothly?)

… does that make me corporate America? Hardly.

To carry on the previous example, I believe we need some kind of health care reform. I also believe businesses, big and small, need to take more responsibility for their actions. From simply recycling paper to using less by going “paperless” to using less energy, less water, to encouraging telecommuting when appropriate, etc. Meanwhile, there’s the corporate social responsibilities. Some industries are addressing concerns on their own, without obligation to government; take for instance the diamond industry’s Kimberly Process. The Fair Trade movement, such as with Global Exchange, is addressing this — slowly true, but without the government telling them to. I guess what I’m saying here is that I think we all have an obligation as consumers to express to companies that it’s important to us that they act responsibly. And then put our money where our mouths are.

… I’m working on that.

I don’t agree with the war in Iraq. But I think we have a responsibility to our troops, of course, not to be irresponsible about pulling out. Also, I think we have a responsibility to the citizens there, that we don’t leave them high and dry now that we’ve “given” them democracy a representational government.

…does that mean I’m pro-war? pro-big-military? … or pro-peace?

I’ve seen those bumper stickers that say “Who Would Jesus Bomb?” They make me angry, as if it’s that simple. Do those same people sporting that bumper sticker think we should have just let Hitler run his course? Of course, that’s the extreme, but still, it’s frustrating. And I’m rambling.

I have been doing more of that in this post than I had intended, and it’s gotten kinda long, but I’m still not quite ready to call it quits…

Because I still haven’t gotten into my pro-life feminism (at least not in this post), carnivorously humane treatment of animals, or patriotism for a wonderful nation that needs a lot of work.

But it’s past my bedtime & I have work to do yet, so I’ll shut up for now while hoping that someday there’ll be a presidential candidate I’ll feel truly comfortable voting for.

PS – This is the article that got me riled up earlier today. And this (below) is the video that gave me chills.