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rainbow in the rear view

God's promise behind me
[from my ‘real’ journal]
2/14/2008 1AM

Driving home from work today, there was a little rain. As I drove south on 77, right after the state line, the clouds broke enough for the sun to stream through the west side of the highway. That in and of itself was beautiful.

I was singing along with “No Doubling Back” by Jason Mraz when I happened to literally look back. I saw it first in my side view mirror. I confirmed what I’d seen with a glance in the rear view mirror: a huge, vibrant rainbow met the road behind me.

I smiled, enjoying the beauty & the coincidence — the wonderful interplay of the song, the view, and my introspection.

It’s time for me to move forward, [whether I feel ready or not] knowing I’ve got God’s promise behind me.

* * * * *

I have been meaning to post the above journal entry here since it happened a full week ago, but I haven’t had the time to do it “right.” I know, in my first post this year, I said I wouldn’t let not having a picture hold me back from posting, but it felt really important to me for this one. Even if the picture isn’t that great, I really wanted to at least scan the original entry (which is the text in the image).

This rainbow thing has been on my mind pretty consistently since it happened. I was driving home from work, like I’d said. The sky above was dark with storm clouds, and I’d gone through some rain right after leaving work: big, fat drops — not a downpour, but heavy from black skies. But right about where the highway crosses from North Carolina into South Carolina, the clouds broke to the west — the right side of the highway — and since it was about 5:30 PM, the sun was low in the sky and close to setting. Blinding, yellow sunshine shone in through the passenger side window and cast eerily long shadows of the treeline across the road. It was beautiful.

My mp3 player on shuffle, “No Doubling Back” was playing — I think it started right around when the rain stopped. Even then I didn’t grasp the full “coincidence” of the lyrics, but later I looked them up. Some of the lyrics I found to be more than fitting:

I would like to think that you’d know your way
we have dodged the ropes of rain…

…I wanna stay wet for a little bit longer…

…I know this ain’t the way I planned it
I guess I ain’t the great romantic
and i’m not doubling back now
no doubling back
doubling back now…

…when it rains it’s sure to pour…

While my “issues” aren’t romantically related, the fact is, the rain imagery and “no doubling back” lyric echoed my situation quite well.

Well, I was smiling, wishing my phone was a camera phone, singing along to the refrain (since it was a new-to-me song at that point), when I glanced in the side mirror and saw the rainbow. Then I saw it in the rear view mirror. I don’t know about anyone else, but rainbows always raise my spirits. Part of it, I think, ties to the Biblical symbolism — I mean, Noah’s Ark is one of the first Bible stories kids learn, so it’s deep rooted. (And really, for me it’s a Biblical reference, but the flood thing is such a far-reaching myth, touching so many cultures, I believe it really is part of our collective memory.) Anyhow, the other part of it is the simple fact that they’re beautiful. Breathtakingly beautiful. A rainbow, for me, is such an awesome “God experience,” when I feel truly connected with God as Creator. It gives me goosebumps.

So with [the symbol of] God’s promise behind me while I sang along “no doubling back now,” I drove home. I know I have to move forward. I can’t stay where I am. And as nervous as I am about the stuff I need to do, I know it will work out — I’ve seen, felt, the promise to prove it.

* * * * *

I saw another rainbow coming home from work today. It was faint, partial, & very high in the sky, but it was there.
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something I won’t even call a poem, let alone admit to (but I’m posting it anyhow)

A local radio station was holding a Love Poem contest for Valentine’s Day. The catch is, the poem couldn’t be about family, significant others, friends, etc. They didn’t want “hallmark” poems. They had to be about, say, how you love your Starbuck’s Venti Double White Mocha or House or pre-Scientology Tom Cruise.

Of course, the obvious answer for me had to be writing about Jason… (It doesn’t help that “I’m Yours” was just officially released today, and I just got my copy of the Fire Relief cd yesterday — “Silent Love Song” is so lovely.)

So without any further ado (or apologies), here is my terribly silly (and poorly written) O-dilly-day* to Mr. A-to-Z.

(* Get it? it’s kinda a scat-ish way of saying “Ode.” Clever, eh? eh? ok, nevermind.)

…

O-dilly-day to Mr. A-to-Z

Double entendres abound when he’s around,
and the sound of his voice makes me long
to be his cigarette or “One Love,” his favorite song.
His boyish smirk makes me grin as I blush
Like a teenybopper with her first crush.
Down to earth, yet he’s unattainable —
I’m happily married, so my obsession’s unexplainable!
Still, with his smooth-scatting and R r-r-r-rolling art
Jason Mraz knows the way to my heart.

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bubbly and vibrant, and multiple

So, this past week, I stumbled on a certain Bushwalla track featuring Jason Mraz… on the kaleidoscope. It has been stuck in my head all day. Particularly Bushwalla’s “If you ask who I am/ I be Bush W the white rap man/ the acoustic rhymer…” and Jason’s “do do do do do do do do do…” I can’t help but grin like an idiot when I listen to it. This is now filed under happy songs. If you know the song, you know what I mean. If you’re interested, look up “Titty Banging” by Bushwalla with Jason Mraz, specifically at Twiggs.

[LMS, if you’re reading this, don’t worry, I won’t subject your daughter (or any of your future children) to this. Trust me, I’m still a good candidate for Godmother.]

******

I went to the open mic tonight at The Perk. It had looked like it was going to be a small group, — no offense, but run-of-the mill — but it turned out to be one of the best readings I’d been to at that locale. There was not a featured reader, but I think it’s safe to say Develon and Paul stole the show. I look forward to running into them again. Meanwhile, I got to promote SMR a bit. I think I read more than my share, including a piece that I later realized was more of a piece for the page than presentation. It reads really well, but makes absolutely no sense unless you can see it on the page, punctuation and all. This was, as far as I can remember, the first time I’ve gone to an open mic and read but not any of my own work.

Before the reading I had the day to spend with my older son, and just him. We just ran errands, me and the 3½ year old, but it was really nice. He wanted to come with me, so I wasn’t dragging him, and we weren’t pressed for time, so we got to visit the toy aisle a bit too, so he was thrilled. Sometimes I feel I’m missing how #1 is growing up because #2 still demands so much attention. When I came home from the reading around 10:30, #2 was deep asleep (as expected) and #1 was awake in bed (as expected, though his bedtime is 9/9:30), waiting for me to hold him in the rocking chair. I did, longer than usual. He usually hugs me, and I hold him “like a monkey.” But tonight I asked him if I could hold him “like a baby,” cradled with his head against my chest. That was nice.

It’s so cliché, but the idea of loving your children equally but differently is really starting to take hold for me. I’m harder on #1 because he’s older of course, but I think too because he reminds me of me, being the oldest, doomed to be shorter than his younger brother. Meanwhile, #2 is still “the baby” and since his premature arrival, I’ve felt I do just that, baby him, maybe more than I should. That and I can clearly see he’ll look like his handsome daddy.

We’ll see how things change if/when a third child comes into play.

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Jason Who?

Last night the hubby and I had an opportunity for a brief date night out. We dropped the kids off at a friend’s and went up the road for dinner at TGI Friday’s. So we’re sitting at the table, drinking our drinks (his a mojito, mine a root beer — I felt a cold coming on, and alcohol never helps when I’m sick) , catching up on the day, when I notice a piece of “wall flair.” One of the posters on the wall was of The Who. I did a double take and grew a stupid grin: in that shot, Roger Daltrey looked an awful lot like Jason Mraz.

So I came home and wasted time I should have been spending working on a couple freelance projects to google that poster and have another look. In the process, I found that, wow, yes, Mr. A-Z and Mr. Daltrey of yester-year could be dopplegangers.

See for yourself: three pictures here are of Daltrey, and three are of Mraz. I’m sure the discerning Mraz fans won’t have any trouble, but still, it’s interesting to see the similarities.

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I did it again…

I won something from the radio! And like every other time, I didn’t know what I was calling to win … so anyhow, I won some Jason Mraz stuff (you know, the guy who sings “The Remedy”) including a pair of tickets to his in-studio performance at The Link tomorrow morning, his concert at Treemont Music Hall tomorrow night, and his CD. How cool is that?! 🙂 Unfortunately I can’t use the tickets for tomorrow night… any takers? I won’t charge (much ;)) …

In other news, YYLC is just about here! I’m excited… not about not seeing my husband for nearly a week — but hey, I don’t really get to see him anyhow… :-/ (which just reminded me that I need to update my about me page probably now that I’m hitched). Anyhow, more on that after the fact. Guess that’s it for now.