Tonight we took the boys to get their picture taken with Santa. During their brief visit, Santa asked them what the number one thing was on their lists: C: “A green Angry Bird.” E: “A Bumblebee Blaster.” G: “[unintelligible toddler speak]” Us: “What do you want, G?”
Forgiveness
“…And forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us…” Those are familiar words, but, too often, a foreign concept. We live in a culture that remembers and encourages us to stoke anger and feed grudges. After all, if the wife of the politician who cheated with…
Talk about Ugly part 1: Terms of Life
As I had expected, my previous post struck some nerves, apparently. And also as I had expected, it has raised more questions and debate than it laid to rest. At this point, I intend to elaborate on my previous “Big Ugly” abortion post in three additional posts focusing on specific angles: a primer of terms (this post), misconceptions, and the law of it. Of course, I encourage and welcome discussion. (Just forgive me if I am slow to respond since the next couple days (and weeks) will be pretty busy for me.)
Terms of Life
In order to help minimize arguments based on semantics, I would like to clarify some of the terms generally tossed around relating to the abortion debate.
Abortion – Wikipedia defines abortion as “the termination of a pregnancy by the removal or expulsion of an embryo or fetus from the uterus, resulting in or caused by its death.” Though an abortion can occur naturally due to complications, I will use it solely to refer to induced abortions. Should the subject of a natural or spontaneous abortion arise, I will refer to it as a “miscarriage.”
Pro-Life – Generally used interchangeably with anti-abortion, pro-life traditionally refers specifically to human life. Wikipedia states: “The term describes the political and ethical view which maintains that fetuses and embryos are human beings, and therefore have a right to live.” I have heard arguments that individuals are personally concurrently pro-life and pro-choice; for the sake of clarity, let’s limit “pro-life” to the belief that all human life, from conception to natural death, should be protected by law.
Pro-Choice – According to Wikipedia, pro-choice as the “view that a woman should have complete control over her fertility and the choice to continue or terminate a pregnancy.” As I state above, some people claim to be pro-life and pro-choice concurrently; for the sake of clarity, I will limit “pro-choice” to refer to those who believe a woman’s productive “rights” should be protected over the rights of an unborn child.
Pro-Abortion – In favor of abortion. Generally, this term is used interchangeably with pro-choice. I have found, however, that most pro-choice people are not actually in favor of abortion itself, just the “right” for “someone else” to have one. In the event that it comes up in this or subsequent blogs, it will refer specifically to proponents of abortion. Like maybe this guy.
Types of Abortion
Please note this is by no means comprehensive!
Medical Abortion – Abortion by means of drugs or a combination of drugs.
Surgical Abortion – This is the ending of a pregnancy by surgical means, such as MVA, D&C, Saline Abortion or Partial Birth Abortion.
Late-Term Abortion – As the term suggests, a Late-Term Abortion is an abortion performed late in the pregnancy. Sources differ in what “late” refers to, with some stating “after 12 weeks,” others saying “after 16 weeks,” and the majority stating it refers to “after 20 weeks.” Should the issue come up, I will consider it to mean “after 20 weeks gestation.”
Partial Birth Abortion – Formally known as intact dilation and extraction or IDX, partial birth abortion has been used for late-term abortions.
Saline Abortion – Saline Abortion is a term occasionally used to refer to the broader term “Instillation abortion.” Instillation abortion is a method used during the second and third trimesters, by injecting a chemical (such as saline) solution into the amniotic fluid to cause uterine contractions. The chemical solution burns the baby before causing the mother to expel the child.
Manual Vacuum aspiration (MVA) – Abortion by means of a vacuum used to literally suck the baby from the mother’s womb. This is the most common type of abortion and is generally used in the first 12 weeks of pregnancy.
Dilation and curettage (D&C) – According to Wikipedia, D&C is “the second most common method of abortion, is a standard gynecological procedure performed for a variety of reasons, including examination of the uterine lining for possible malignancy, investigation of abnormal bleeding, and abortion.” This is generally limited to the first trimester or approximately 13 weeks of pregnancy.
Selected Related Law and Legislation
Roe V. Wade – The landmark Supreme Court decision of January 22, 1973, which has shaped debate about abortion in America ever since. Google it for the details if you’re not familiar with it, or click the term for the Wikipedia entry.
Freedom of Choice Act (FOCA) – Wikipedia sums up the FOCA as “a bill in the United States Congress which, if enacted, would abolish all restrictions and limitations on the right of women in the United States to have an abortion, whether at the State or Federal level.” By eliminating all restrictions and limitations, the FOCA would also “nullify the types of abortion laws that the Supreme Court has said are permitted under Roe v. Wade.” (Johnson)
Born Alive Infants Protection Act – An act of Congress to protect infants who were born alive as a result of an induced abortion.
Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act (PBA Ban) – A United States law prohibiting abortion by means of IDX.
Stay tuned for “Talk about Ugly pt. 2: misConceptions.”
and just as easily carried away…
When a child is born, parents are as well. The parents — no matter how many books they’ve read or how many classes they’ve attended — are still just as new as the baby. Daddy may be awkward about holding his little girl, supporting her head; mommy might not be quick enough with her little automatic sprinkler’s diaper changes. Still, there are some things that come instinctively. Some things are simply given. The job of “parent” is really quite straightforward: protect the child.
That is where we start.
But as time goes by and the child grows up, the parent realizes there’s not enough bubble wrap in the world…
And then, one day, as quietly as a feather, the plain truth slips in: bubble wrap, an infinite supply, will do nothing to soften a blow to the heart.
Especially when you, the parent, let the strike slip.
* * *
Two days ago, as I was preparing dinner, our 4-year-old pulled a grimy feather from his pocket.
“Mommy, look what I got!”
“Oh, Sweetie, that’s dirty. Put it in the trash and go wash your hands for dinner.”
Whoa. Who said that? Me? The woman-once-girl who collected robins’ egg shells, nests, feathers, who played with toads and tried to nurse abandoned baby birds back to health, who once carried a tiny iridescent lonely dragonfly wing back to camp for bonus points in a scavenger hunt? How could that same person tell her son to throw out a feather because it was dirty?
Still. It was, and it was dinner time. I’d flinched but given it little more thought. That is, until I noticed my son curled up on the couch, lip quivering, eyes welling.
I knew immediately that I had played the hand wrong. I put down my dish rag from wiping off the table and ran over to give him a hug and apologize.
“Oh, Sweetie, I’m sorry. I know that feather was a treasure and that it was special. But, really, they need to stay outside. They can have a lot of germs on them, and I don’t want you to get sick from playing with them.” (What I didn’t say was, “I’m sorry, sweetie, your mother’s a borderline hypochondriac and doesn’t want you to catch some kind of avian flu…”)
He looked at me with his big eyes, still welling.
“But Mommy, I was going to give it to you. What am I going to give you now?”
Oh! Rip my heart out and stomp on it a few times!
I don’t remember exactly what came next besides tighter hugs and more apologies on my part. I physically ached and felt sick to my stomach. I had never seen my son so emotionally hurt.
And I had been the one to cause it.
I know this may have been the first time, but it definitely won’t be the last. Knowing this heartbreak is only one of many within his lifetime doesn’t make the incident any less painful. Even if he’s moved on– he’s on the quest for the perfect “special stone” to give me — I still feel that ache.
Bubble wrap can’t protect either of us from these growing pains; no band-aid will hide these bumps and bruises.
Here’s hoping the scars give him — and me — character.
Joy on a stick, in a puddle
Before summer jobs and two-month-short semesters, before “grown-up” commitments and working straight through from Memorial to Labor Day with the mere hiccup of Independence, there was a time of riding bikes past nightfall and playing “Ghost in the Graveyard” after that. There were Kool-Aid stands to man and dusty games of run-down. There were toads and lightning bugs to catch and creeks to stomp through. A day at the pool meant a stop at the candy stand too. And of course, summer meant banana popsicles.
It’s easy to get wrapped up in being an adult and to miss summertime altogether. We go from air-conditioned homes to air-conditioned cars to AC at work, the height of the mercury but a footnote of our small talk. If we take a summer vacation, it is typically eaten by travels, nothing like the long, sprawling summers of our grade-school years.
I was fortunate enough growing up that my mom chose to stay home with us, granting us kids the full summer experience, complete with, “If you’re so bored, I’ll GIVE you something to do!” Now as a mother myself, I sometimes worry that because of my working, my boys will miss out on the Norman Rockwell summers I remember. Like my husband and I, our boys have year-round, full-time schedules. Summer, to them, means hot, sweaty playtime at daycare with an occasional “water day.” I wonder if it wouldn’t be better to budget even tighter, to stay home with them, to give them what I had.
I wonder if they’re missing out.
Then, like yesterday, it rains.
They spent the dreary, stormy hours at daycare. By the time I picked them up, the clouds were breaking. By the time we got home, the pavement was dry. Save for one puddle.
Now, when it comes to puddles, a parent’s first instinct is typically to tell her child, “don’t.” And I did, at first. But then when the little one did anyhow, his face glowed with pure joy. In that moment I was as happy as my child. And he was having more fun than on Halloween and Christmas morning together — how could I deny him that for the silly sake of wet clothes?
Today was a beautiful day, and not too hot. After picking the kids up and eating a dinner of the four-year-old’s choosing (dinosaur chicken nuggets, Disney-shaped whole grain pasta leftovers, blackeyed peas), I joined the boys and some neighborhood kids on the front stoop for a dessert of banana popsicles. Once again, summer found me — this time in sticky grins.
I guess as the responsibilities pile on and vacations grow thin, joy reveals itself through moments — for me, most clearly through my children.