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Only human. (expect me to err)

So, I’m aware I’ve broken my initial promise about this blog. Though I’d resolved to write at least once a week, it’s been a few minutes short of 10 days. And still, I don’t know what to write — but not for lack of content.

Where do I start?

Ok, here’s what I’m going to do. I’m going to post the condensed version first. Then hopefully tomorrow, or Saturday at least, I’ll bury it with something happier, though some of the following is wonderfully happy. But most is less than cheerful.

So, here’s what the last week has entailed:

  • Thurs. 4/17
    • 8:30 am – Mom calls to say Grandpap had been moved the day before from the hospital (where he’d been for over 2 weeks) to an assisted living facility for further recovery. Unfortunately, they didn’t “assist his living” so well and allowed his bloodsugar to drop dangerously low, resulting in him being taken by paramedics to the ICU. His heart was only functioning at 15%
    • 9 am – 5:45 pm – work at the office. Of course, I was planning on leaving at 5 on the dot, but the projects had been piled on that day, so I had to stay late instead of leaving early.
    • 5:50 pm – After a speedy change of clothes, I dashed to the car to drive to the concert, still hoping to get there about 6:45. Instead, I hit traffic, followed bad directions, followed more bad directions, drove around way more than necessary because of bad stupid google directions to BFE, not the concert venue. Called my husband no less than 6 times trying to get to where I needed to be. Screamed out of frustration while driving. Oh, and somewhere in there I hit a chick-fil-a drive-thru for dinner.
    • 7:28 pm – I finally arrive & jump out of the car, dash to pick up my ticket and get my butt inside. I saw Jason heading in (grey stocking cap and all) from the bus right before I did, so I figured I couldn’t be too late. (The show was to start at 7:30.)
    • 7:30-11-ish pm – I did my crazy geeky white-girl-with-no-rhythm “dance” and totally was that girl that Jason talks about on the Schubas “Did You Get My Message” audience participation track — that girl who just would not shut up! And I had no shame. (Apologies to anyone around me, really… sorta.)
    • 11 – 11:45 pm – Got a hug & a photo op from Billy, and he signed his cd for me as well as the Fire Relief cd. (He seemed happy to see I’d gotten that one.) Also bought the Makepeace Brother’s cd & got them to sign that. I headed down toward my car and the bus, and got to steal a hug from Toca & talked with him a little. They all seemed tired after the show. Then Jason peeked his head out of the bus & offered to take pictures as long as they were group shots. Not being part of a group, and not wanting to be just another picture to endure, I left a copy of SMR #2 with Toca, who agreed to give it to Jason, and I headed home.
    • 11:45-12:30 – The drive home was easier, but not without missed turns. I’ll admit, though, that I was talking with my mom, catching up on Grandpap’s condition and other things.
    • When I got home, DH was waiting up for me, though I told him he didn’t have to. It took me a while to unwind before bed, something like 2 am I think.
  • Friday 4/18 – The bigger munchkin (almost 4 now) came down with Chicken Pox. Nuff said.
  • Saturday 4/19 – My brother had his Eagle Scout Ceremony in PA. I had been holding out hope until the last minute that I might be able to work out coming up for it. The chicken pox thing dashed the last of that. I hear it went really well.
  • Sunday 4/20 – We went to church separately, due to the poxed child. That, and the 3 mystery shops I did, broke up the day a lot.
  • Monday 4/21 – I determined that chicken pox are a headache. I went into work for 2 hours before resuming watch of the diseased one.
  • Tuesday 4/22 – Ditto previous. But thank goodness for small gifts: wonderful, lovely “Details in the Fabric” single release… something to listen to while feeling sorry for myself. ha.
  • Wednesday 4/23 – Kiddo went back to school. The little one has not caught the itchies this time around, though there’s still a few more days before that’s definite.
  • Thursday 4/24 – Mom called to say Grandpap’s taken a bad turn. His heart still is only functioning at 15%, his kidneys are failing, his bloodsugar won’t stay up, and he has some kind of infection – probably pneumonia. It’s a matter of hours, days at best — or worst, depending.

So now, I’m trying to figure out how & when to go up to PA. Should I plan on getting an overpriced plane ticket? Or drive 1000 miles round trip? should I go now? or wait until he dies?

Really, that’s where I’m at right now.

I want last Thursday night back.

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I refuse to choose.

As most of my friends will tell you, I am often indecisive. I prefer not to rock the boat and am usually pretty relaxed and comfortable with just going with the flow. I mean, really, what difference does it make in the grand scheme of things if we have Mexican or Italian for dinner. Really.

I have been known to procrastinate through indecision. I have probably made far more decisions through inaction than action. I’m not proud of that, but that’s a fault of mine that I’ll admit to as well.

But being indecisive is far different than refusing to choose.

Lately, particularly with the election year at hand, this has been weighing heavily on my heart and mind. I had a short conversation with my sister about it recently, and I mentioned it in comments on some other blogs. My issue is this: Why is it a conflict of interests to be in favor of “less government” and humane treatment of animals? Why is it against someone else’s first amendment rights if I express mine by wearing a crucifix on a chain to a public school? Why should I have to choose between being “green” or pro-life?

As I’ve gone into a little bit before, I am Catholic and try to live my life with a Christian worldview. So, that’s where I am coming from, though I have no doubt that this will apply to other worldviews as well.

I try to live by the adage that one should leave things as good as or better than he or she found them. (Granted, the state of my housekeeping rarely reflects that, but I’m working on it.) One way that I’ve been acting on that is by, frankly, doing some of my coworkers’ recycling. It’s kinda gross, but if I see someone’s tossed a pop can in the trash (and it’s still exposed — I’m not dumpster diving yet), I’ll pick it out & toss it in the recycling bin. When we had catering in last week, rather than throwing out all of the “disposable” containers & platters, I brought them home to rinse & freecycle. I’m starting a compost pile at the treeline of our property. And I am really trying to cut down my extended shower time.

… does that make me a tree-hugging hippie? Not really.

In addition to being a traditional employee, I am also a business owner. As such I believe capitalism, in general, is a good thing. Likewise, I disagree that having the government put its fingers in every orifice of our lives is a good thing. For example, I do not thing it’s a good idea to socialize health care. I think that idea about a centralized medical database is something UGLY waiting to happen. (Have you ever been to the DMV? What makes anyone think that any other government run facility will run more smoothly?)

… does that make me corporate America? Hardly.

To carry on the previous example, I believe we need some kind of health care reform. I also believe businesses, big and small, need to take more responsibility for their actions. From simply recycling paper to using less by going “paperless” to using less energy, less water, to encouraging telecommuting when appropriate, etc. Meanwhile, there’s the corporate social responsibilities. Some industries are addressing concerns on their own, without obligation to government; take for instance the diamond industry’s Kimberly Process. The Fair Trade movement, such as with Global Exchange, is addressing this — slowly true, but without the government telling them to. I guess what I’m saying here is that I think we all have an obligation as consumers to express to companies that it’s important to us that they act responsibly. And then put our money where our mouths are.

… I’m working on that.

I don’t agree with the war in Iraq. But I think we have a responsibility to our troops, of course, not to be irresponsible about pulling out. Also, I think we have a responsibility to the citizens there, that we don’t leave them high and dry now that we’ve “given” them democracy a representational government.

…does that mean I’m pro-war? pro-big-military? … or pro-peace?

I’ve seen those bumper stickers that say “Who Would Jesus Bomb?” They make me angry, as if it’s that simple. Do those same people sporting that bumper sticker think we should have just let Hitler run his course? Of course, that’s the extreme, but still, it’s frustrating. And I’m rambling.

I have been doing more of that in this post than I had intended, and it’s gotten kinda long, but I’m still not quite ready to call it quits…

Because I still haven’t gotten into my pro-life feminism (at least not in this post), carnivorously humane treatment of animals, or patriotism for a wonderful nation that needs a lot of work.

But it’s past my bedtime & I have work to do yet, so I’ll shut up for now while hoping that someday there’ll be a presidential candidate I’ll feel truly comfortable voting for.

PS – This is the article that got me riled up earlier today. And this (below) is the video that gave me chills.

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Does this mean I need someone to unfreeze me?


Well, it seems I’ve been double-handed tagged by not one, but two bloggettes. And since sacred blog law states one must submit to a double double-handed blog-meme tag, here goes…

What Ifs:

What if I could meet someone in the art world to chat with?
This is kinda funny to me for a couple reasons. One, because I essentially could copy and paste Jenn’s answer. But also because I had a dream along these lines a couple nights ago. In the dream, I had the chance to pick the brain of a certain singer/songwriter, but I was a total introverted idiot. I was so disappointed in myself. Anyhow, since I’m going to restrict my answer here to the living, author Dave Eggers is way up on my list, not only for his writing, but for all of the writing programs, publications, etc. he’s played a part in creating. As for a contemporary visual artist, I think I’d like to get in touch with Chris Clamp, a painter — he was a classmate of mine, and I always respected him and admired his work.

What if I could have one wish granted for the benefit of all mankind?
Ok, so take this with a grain of salt and an eyeroll if you must: I would wish everyone had as much clean water as they needed or wanted, without restriction or consequence. That is where I’m least “green”; I love long showers. Thirst would never be an issue, and the world would be a happier place if we’d all take the time to de-stress in the water of our choice. (Shower, bath, jacuzzi …) 😉

What if I could travel anywhere in the world?
Depends: is this all inclusive or on our current budget…
There are so many places I’d love to go. I can’t claim to want to go everywhere, but I think it would be incredible to hit every country at least once. More realistically, though, I’d like to take my husband for about a month in Lucca, Italy, with excursions around the country.

What if I could live in a period other than the present, for 24 hours?
Just for a day, I think I’d like to experience life on the American Frontier, maybe in the early 1800’s. I know I’d be totally ill-equipped, and I doubt I could survive much more than the given 24 hours, but as a kid, I drifted toward that setting in the books I read. (Caddie Woodlawn was a favorite.)

What if I could make over three areas of my body?
My complexion — is that possible to makeover? My teeth — I wish I’d have taken better care between college & kids. My eyes — lasik someday.

What if I could become an animal for 24 hours?
Idunno, but I “keep wishing I was living the life of a cat”… seriously. Every time I see one of ours sunning herself on the floor in front of an open door, I envy her.

Otherwise, I’d be something with wings, preferably something that glides… guess that’d make me a bird of prey. I’d hate the diet plan, but I’ve flown like that in dreams, and I think it’d come naturally.

What if I could bring someone back to life for 24 hours?
I keep thinking of the part in Aladin where Genie says “I can’t bring people back from the dead. It’s not a pretty picture. I don’t like doing it.” I really can’t think of any good reason to do that.

Ok, so now it’s time to say who’s “IT” next: zila, Meg, and –as promised, Jason Mraz (that means you’ve been at least double tagged, Jason — may I remind you that blog law requires you submit to the meme).

A girl can dream, can’t she?

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In like a lion, out like a…lion.

Wow. Where the heck did March go? When it started, it was with a bang and a mad dash. Four steps into April, and it’s only barely slowing down.

But that’s not necessarily bad. Just exhausting.

So first, some updates.

About a month ago, a friend was diagnosed with cancer. After surgery & starting chemo, he seems to be doing really well. Word is that he’s not had any ill effects from the chemo, and he’s back to work too. Also, another friend’s dad was also diagnosed with cancer. He’s due for surgery in mid-April; the doctors are optimistic. All good news.

The first week of March a big deal (for me at least) opportunity came up to work “full time” from home. Unfortunately, long story short, that kinda fell through. But that’s not all bad either: with alerting my current employer of my consideration of the other opportunity, I forsee that situation getting better in the very near future, especially with evals coming up in the next couple weeks.

This whole month, it seems, has been a whirlwind for SMR. Especially the first & last week. Well, after my 4:30 am the other night, and finally buckling down, the cover & contents are done!

(note, that cover’s for front AND back; folded in the middle)


So I finalized that today & added it to the site store. I expect you all to order a copy. Or a subscription. Or five. 😉

…after all, it’s National Poetry Month!

Anyhow, hopefully this month will provide ample opportunities for promoting (and selling) the magazine. This one got fatter than anticipated. It’s beautiful, though. Really. And I swear I’d say the same thing even if I wasn’t totally biased.

Well, I’m pushing 3 a.m. again, so it’s time I crash for the night. I am SO ready for sleep without this hanging over my head!

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FLAIR-apy and monkeys.

It’s about 3 a.m. I am exhausted, as any normal human being should be at this hour. But I don’t know if I’ll get to sleep within the hour even.

And I have work tomorrow. (Today.)

Fortunately I’ll be going in later since I have a late morning optometrist appointment. But still, yuck.

So why am I up so late? I’m working on the Shakespeare’s Monkey Revue issue 3 layout. It really should be done by now. But the file is huge, my system’s not the fastest, and I’m using an outdated version of Word (or at least, not a version that is as agile as some others). The most irritating part is that anytime I change a format of something — alignment, size, whatever — it keeps updating the style. Then I need to tell it to undo the style update. Both — the initial style update & the undo — take forever and a day. So while Word pokes along, I get to type here. Yay!

Besides losing an inane amount of time waiting around for Word to “think,” I have been wasting more time than I can afford on Facebook lately. And not in any “useful” sort or way either. I mean, I’m not on there writing friends or watching videos or tagging pictures. No. No, I’m addicted to Flair. For those unfamiliar with the Flair Facebook app, it’s similiar to the “sticker” type applications that allow users to pass around silly graphics with pseudo witty sayings, or whatever. What I like about Flair over stickers is:

  • containment – All of the flair you show off is constrained to a “bulletin board” on your profile. Meanwhile, it seems those sticker things go on for MILES. Just clutter, as far as I’m concerned.
  • constraints – There’s a limit on how many pieces you can have showing at once. Granted, that limit is somewhere around 60, but since they’re all contained, that’s not so bad. Also, there are limits on how many you can make or send, so even I can’t bombard everyone with it.
  • uniformity – The “flair maker” takes your uploaded image and “buttonizes” it, making it look like, well, a piece of flair. Every piece is round, clean, and spiffified. I like that.
  • trackability, sorta – here’s where the addictive quality comes in. You can keep an eye on the popularity of the flair you’ve created. For a while, a piece of Mraz flair was my most popular (with a whopping 50ish people having it, ranking it around 20K among all Flair). Now, though, the Mr. Rogers flair I created is my most popular. It’s addictive to see how many people pick up your design… I wish, though, there was some way to see who has your flair, or any specific piece, for that matter.


Lately, I’ve been stressed with deadlines, and then Booger got another ear infection (I won’t scare y’all away with another picture, I promise), and I’m still in the process of deciding what’s going to change (if anything) with my job situation. (I thought that was decided, but it didn’t work out as planned.) Amid the stress, my flair-apy sessions really haven’t done anything to help the situation, but they’ve been pleasantly distracting procrastination sessions. Ha.

I’m still waiting on word (or rather, waiting again). I’ve been working on this post for almost an hour now. I’m frustrated — with the software, with my hardware, with the clock, with the fact that I was only given these ads to place late last night and there’s no way I can do any work on this before 8:30 on most weeknights. I think this magazine is a wonderful, wonderful endeavor, and I am so happy to be part of it, but there are moments I wish Stephan hadn’t volunteered me for this. I kinda want my life back. I mean, not that this is all consuming all the time, but it seems to demand more than I can give sometimes.

Well, it’s officially 4 a.m. now. Crap. I’m waiting for Word again, because it keeps eating my headers in a certain section. Go figure. Anyhow, I think fixing that one last time is the last thing I have to do, so I’m now going to use this lag time to brush my teeth and wash my face.

Wish me restful sleep…