poetry • art • marriage • momhood • faith

Before the First Ultrasound

Oops.  I accidentally posted this before I had finished it.  Or titled it.  I decided not to go back and add to the original post.  Except to tag and title it. — JAC


Dear Lightning Bug,

It is midnight the eve before I see you on the ultrasound screen for the first time. I am SO excited… and apparently pretty nervous too. I have been fighting physical symptoms of anxiety all weekend. I would much rather deal with pregnancy symptoms, if only because they are easier to explain.

You’re apparently about the size of a plum right now. At 10.5 weeks, I can still wear regular pants, but I unbutton them if I sit for any length of time. Yesterday I pulled out my bin of maternity clothes to take stock, in particular to look for a certain pair if capris.  It was erie to see certain pieces of clothes and realize how many had memories attached: an outfit I wore to my baby shower, one I wore to a poetry reading, the top I wore when I found I was in preterm labor with one son, a top I wore to the NICU to visit the other.


  1. Joyce Ledgerwood Joyce Ledgerwood
    July 8, 2013    

    How exciting! I’ll be thinking of you. Will Jonathan be able to attend…will the boys go too?

    • Julie Julie
      July 8, 2013    

      Cat will watch the boys while I go alone with my 2 pages of notes top discuss with the doctor.Jonathan has work.

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torch bearing quietly

I will not act out, will not
yell or curse or slam doors,
will not make a scene -- you
do not deserve such a chance
to make an example out of me
to be proven right since you
are not. Instead, I'll stand
at this street corner, raise
my hand high and clench that
light which yet remains. It
will burn brightly, quietly,
fiercely before fading as I.

Then I'll be gone but found.

©JAC 2005

Poetry by Julie Ann Cook!

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